Here are a few photos taken at last night's Academy Awards. Most, though not all of the men dressed conservatively. The women dressed up to get themselves noticed. While some women, in particular Lady Gaga, deliberately made themselves look ugly, others tried to look good but failed.
J. K. Simmons was the best dressed man of the evening. He has class with a capital K.
Lady Gaga tried her hardest to look ugly and almost succeeded. She showed up wrapped in a dish cloth and wearing her washing up gloves.
Jennifer Lopez was one of the few top actresses who actually managed to look good.
There was only one thing wrong with Emma Stone's outfit. She would have looked better without underwear.
Chloe Grace Moretz looked beautiful and elegant, as always. Some fashion sites have criticised her for wearing a dress with pockets, but it's a good idea. It gives a woman somewhere to hide her hands when she's feeling nervous. It also means she doesn't need to carry a handbag.
Neil Patrick Harris is an actor with nothing to hide. Almost nothing, that is.
After the show Neil Patrick Harris was seen asking J. K. Simmons for fashion tips. He was told he needed a hat.
Unbelievable! 61 years old, and Oprah Winfrey was one of the best looking women in the room.
At the other end of the scale, "supermodel" Karolina Kurkova wins my vote for the worst dressed woman, outdoing even Lady Gaga. The tragic thing is that Lady Gaga wanted to look ugly, whereas Karolina probably thought she looked good. Someone should send her back to fashion school.
The awesome twins, Tegan and Sara, were nominated for an Oscar for the Best Original Song. They should have won. "Glory" isn't too bad as a song, but it just isn't awesome!
It was kind of the Film Academy to invite Kelly Osbourne, to show that they're not biased against people with zero talent. She should have asked the Tegan twins for fashion advice though. At least they know how to make black look good.
Look who they allowed on stage. It's Mr. Terrence They-Don't-Pay-Me-Enough Howard. It looks like he was telling people how much he wants for his next film.
Someone told Jared Leto the roof was leaking, so he came prepared.
Shia LaBeouf was turned away at the door because the security guards didn't recognise him. Or maybe it really was an imposter? We'll never know.
Unfortunately, Kim Jong-Un wasn't invited to the Academy Awards this year. He requested a ticket, but he was told that they wouldn't invite him unless he got a better haircut. He attempted a new style last month, but it still wasn't good enough.